Life, Loss, and Love

lifeSometimes it feels like life don’t fight fair. But when life knocks me down, I have to pick myself up and remember one thing: life’s not a fight, it’s a journey. And while there may be a few fights and struggles along the way, that’s not the point. The point is how we react and grow and develop. And that’s the hard part. It would be so much easier to shake my fist at Heaven and scream out “Why?!?!?!” Or to roll up in a ball in the corner and cry. But you know what? Life goes on, regardless of what I’m going through.

Not quite a week ago, my Mama went home to be with Jesus. We are all devastated of course. She was far too young to be taken from us so soon. I’m still a bit shell-shocked. I’m especially concerned for Daddy and for my baby sister. It’s really, really rough. Even though we knew it would come eventually and even though she had been sick for a while, her death has hit us all really hard. Continuing with the mundane things of everyday life is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever attempted. But it’s what she would want, so that’s what I’m gonna do.

I have no regrets for the past. I was blessed to have the world’s most wonderful mama. And I really did have a beautiful relationship with her, especially the past few years. I have many, many sweet memories to cherish. The only regrets I have are for the future. That I will never kiss her good night again. That she won’t attend my wedding or hold my children. That she won’t be there to give me parenting advice or say, “See, I told you that you would understand once you had kids of your own.” That I will never again be able to say, “Let’s go to Mama’s house.” I regret the many more years we should have had together. And yet, it’s not all sorrow. It is tempered with the peace of knowing that she’s in Heaven, but her spirit is also still here with us. And in a way, she will always be with me.

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