Sometimes I still feel like a little kid; other times, it seems like I had to grow up way too fast. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of the girl inside; the other part wants to be all woman. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Or where I belong. The world expects one thing, my family asks another, my heart wants something else. I am a piece of wood, adrift at sea, just waiting to see what shore I wash up on. If I don’t find a rudder soon, will it be too late? Will I lose the chance to determine my own destiny, chart my own course? I’m sailing in uncharted waters; there is no map to show me the way.
It’s not so much that I don’t know where I want to go. I do have a final destination in mind, generally speaking, but I don’t know how to get there from here. And, then too, there is just a breath of hesitation in the back of my mind. A hint of doubt whether that is really where I want to be. Part of the problem is that I want to do it all. I want to travel the world, footloose and fancy-free; but I also want to settle down and raise a family. I want to write as a career, but I love working in construction. And a little part of me wants to go back to college and follow where that may lead.
The first step is making some decisions I guess. I’m old enough that I should probably have already done that and I guess I sorta have. It’s just the final commitment that’s lacking. So what then? Craft a plan to get from here to where I want to be of course. Ain’t nobody else gonna build my life for me. If I want something, I gotta go after it myself. Thankfully, I’m not scared of hard work. And once I set my mind to something, nothing’s gonna hold me back. And while I can’t complain about the life I have; it’s not the one I want. So I’m done wavering. I’m not a kid anymore, I can’t hide from life. I have to face it head-on and build my dreams on the foundation laid in my childhood. It’s strong and so am I. Uncharted waters are nothing more than an opportunity to draw my own map.