Uncharted Waters

Sometimes I still feel like a little kid; other times, it seems like I had to grow up way too fast. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of the girl inside; the other part wants to be all woman. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Or where I belong. The world expects one thing, my family asks another, my heart wants something else. I am a piece of wood, adrift at sea, just waiting to see what shore I wash up on. If I don’t find a rudder soon, will it be too late? Will I lose the chance to determine my own destiny, chart my own course? I’m sailing in uncharted waters; there is no map to show me the way.

It’s not so much that I don’t know where I want to go. I do have a final destination in mind, generally speaking, but I don’t know how to get there from here. And, then too, there is just a breath of hesitation in the back of my mind. A hint of doubt whether that is really where I want to be. Part of the problem is that I want to do it all. I want to travel the world, footloose and fancy-free; but I also want to settle down and raise a family. I want to write as a career, but I love working in construction. And a little part of me wants to go back to college and follow where that may lead.

The first step is making some decisions I guess. I’m old enough that I should probably have already done that and I guess I sorta have. It’s just the final commitment that’s lacking. So what then? Craft a plan to get from here to where I want to be of course. Ain’t nobody else gonna build my life for me. If I want something, I gotta go after it myself. Thankfully, I’m not scared of hard work. And once I set my mind to something, nothing’s gonna hold me back. And while I can’t complain about the life I have; it’s not the one I want. So I’m done wavering. I’m not a kid anymore, I can’t hide from life. I have to face it head-on and build my dreams on the foundation laid in my childhood. It’s strong and so am I. Uncharted waters are nothing more than an opportunity to draw my own map.uncharted

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s